Happy New
Year! It is almost impossible to get
through an entire calendar year without the need to upgrade or replace some seemingly
essential piece of electronic technology.
In my line of work, it happens even more frequently than that. Not that I am a gadget guru; I’m far from
that, but with the number of computers, printers, scanners and various modes of
communication that I use, there is always something coming to the end of its
practical life. And every time that
happens I am forced to go stand on the curb and watch the Emperor parade by,
showing off his fabulous new clothes.
I have been
doing this for so long that I remember when the Emperor’s tailor used to “make
his clothes” without the all mighty “i”!
Even in those pre-historic early days of floppy discs and monochrome
CRTs, there were fans who raved at the innovative, stylish dress of each new
suit of clothes. They bragged how they
could see the quality in those fine threads and if you couldn’t, then you were just
not cool or smart or worthy. I remember being
enticed, almost able to imagine that carefully stitched gold embroidery, those
magical lacy ruffles, and the perfect, easy fit. The tide of the growing international mass
hysteria almost swept me off my feet, but reason prevailed and I realized that I
did not see any new clothes. I know I
will be harassed with hateful emails and horrid comments, but I have news for
you, the Emperor is really naked, and you have all been duped.
Over the
years, the guidance of reasoned thinking has evolved as readily as the lure of
“the new clothes.” When I first started
looking at the Fruit of Temptation (isn’t it interesting that it is named
Apple), I was trying to budget the cost of “the new age of information” for my
tiny cash-strapped business. In my
research I discovered that the software written for the ignorant DOS users cost
half as much as it cost for the Apple Emperor’s new OS. The passionate, rabid believers argued with
me that the mouse worked better, the processor never locked up, and operating system was incredibly easy to use,
so what if it costs more? As Apple
evolved and the serpent of “status consumerism” grew, I watched from the
sidelines, sometimes smiling in realization of the bare-assed truth, and
sometimes wondering if I was missing something.
The Apple
became a Macintosh, which became just plain old Mac. Then the powers-that-be realized that the
whole farce of “nouveau status” was a trick of the eye. So Mac became iMac. iMac begat iPod who begat iBook who begat
iPad and eventually, as a product of inbreeding, the iPhone V was born.
Now for those
of you who believe you can see those new clothes, my words will fall on deaf
ears. Sure you can buy an MP3 player for
$30-$40, but why would you when you can buy an iPod for $250? Yes, Samsung makes a pretty good phone, but
if you pay in advance, campout in the rain, and spend twice as much money, you
too, can be among the elite who can own the newly announced iPhone iOS7 and get
rid of that archaic months-old iPhone V.
Value is in
the perception. Did you see Jimmy Kimmel’s
satirical skit where he showed people an iPhone IV but told them it was an
iPhone V? You had to laugh at the people
who raved how much lighter, faster, bigger and brighter it was than their old iPhone
IV. Maybe you’ve seen the newest car
models that all have an iPod dock built into the console. People find the perception of value in the
guise of status consumerism.
Was Steve
Jobs smart? Hello! Yes! Look
at how many people are ‘iBroke’ from the ‘iGottaHaveIts’. But contrary to popular belief, Steve Jobs NEVER
walked on water. He did, however; figure
out how to make people envision each little innovation as the most important discovery
in history, worthy of discarding perfectly good, expensive equipment in the illogical
desire to upgrade to his newest toy.
Beauty is in the “i” of the beholder, and behold the Emperor’s new
clothes are just an illusion (I hope, because I don’t own a single Apple).
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