Monday, February 4, 2013

Super Bowl Monday

   Happy Super Bowl Monday!  
   There’s a movement to make this day a national holiday. I guess too many worker ants are either not showing up at their jobs, or they’re trying to perform their tasks hung over.
   Super Bowl Monday would be an all-American holiday, wouldn’t it?  I mean no other country plays “American” football.  Sure, there’s a Canadian League, but aren’t they actually just Americans who tip poorly?  This time of year about half the population of Florida hails from those unofficial northern states.
   This holiday thing isn't a novel idea.  We've had a national hangover recovery day for years on January 1st.  Think about it, there is no other reason to celebrate New Year’s Day.  If it weren't for the hoards of normally sober, sane, mature, intelligent people acting like, well you've seen them (heck, you're probably one of them).  If it weren't for them, we would all start the business year one day earlier.
   All in all, I’m not sure a new holiday is such a good idea.  Obviously, I have to work today, and I would have to work even if it was a “day off,” but we have plenty of sanctioned lazy days already.  Plus, look how long and hard it was to get Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. his holiday (so what if he wasn't a Hall of Fame running back), if he isn't an MVP, then who is?
   Super Bowl Monday?  We took away Washington's and Lincoln's birthdays and lumped them together with Chester A. Arthur and James K. Polk and call it President's Day.  We crossed out Armistice Day, Armed Forces Day, Patriots Day, Pearl Harbor Day, American Indian Day and even Confederate Memorial Day; and let’s not even discuss The Bill of Rights Day (remember the day we all got to shoot off our mouths AND shoot off our guns).  We used to celebrate Aviation Day, Maritime Day, Pioneer Day, Citizenship Day, and who could forget the original women’s liberation movement on Sadie Hawkin's Day.  There was even a holiday called United Nations Day; okay, so maybe that one deserves to be omitted.  Really we've had a bunch of very prominent American celebrations downsized and outsourced: Flag Day, Arbor Day, Valentine's Day, do we get off?  No! 
   So I say, swallow some aspirin with a glass of tomato juice, bitters and Tobasco Sauce, and get to work America.  Beyonce and the Budweiser ads (and that weird Go Daddy thing) did their thing.  Twenty-two men adorned their faces with war paint and spent a couple of hours trying carry or prevent the carry of a poorly taxidermied pig 300 feet to break an imaginary plane while billions of chicken wings were washed down with gallons of beer.  It's over; somebody won, somebody lost, and it's Monday morning.  Think of it this way, you only have about two-and-a-half months to save up your contribution to our national debt.  
   April 15th, now THAT should be a holiday!

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