Sunday, March 9, 2014

The Times They Are a Changin'

     I know I am a bit of a rebel, I was born that way; a product of my generation.  I slept through last night on purpose.  I refused to get up at two o’clock in the morning just to change the clocks.  What are they going to do?  What, the jackbooted clock-police are going to kick down my door and taze me?  I say, no!  To hell with them!  In fact, if you want to know a secret, that stupid purple clock that my ex decided I should use a ladder and hang eleven feet up the wall, well, it doesn’t need to “spring forward,” because it never fell back.  Take that ex-wifey!
Down with the establishment!

     Seriously, don’t you love when twice a year the government screws with your metabolism by changing time?  I don’t really buy into the theory that it saves on power consumption.  Sure it stays light a little longer in the evening, but for us working stiffs and those who have children still in school, the lights come on an hour earlier in the morning and the predawn commute is a tad more perilous.  We end up using the same amount of electricity while suffering the consequences of an increase in fender-bender accidents.  Hey, wait a second.  Somebody needs to investigate the auto body repair industry; maybe they’re behind all of this. 
     But regardless of whether it is those Bondo-slinging, spray-painting, collision mechanics, or some other maniacal consortium of industrial evil that is responsible, this mandate is yet another Imperial decree meant to bend the freewill of the subservient people. 
Down with the establishment!

     Okay, maybe that is a little over the top, but consider this: 
     What if daylight savings is actually a subliminal experimentation in mass telekinesis?  C’mon, you know that any government that can dream up the evils of the IRS, spend sixteen trillion dollars more than they have or ever will have, and still deny the existence UFOs and confiscated alien technology is also capable of believing that if they can get everyone in the civilized world (which, of course, is only most of North America, Europe and a small portion of South America) to think that spring is actually here, then the collective combined positive thoughts could effectively force Mother Nature’s hand. 
     Now there is a problem with this, like most government regulations, it was dreamed up by idealists who failed to consider its unintended consequences.  First, what about global warming?  Huh?  I bet you never figured that the fate of the polar bears was all a part of this cockamamie spring forward / fall back conspiracy.  And if that isn’t enough to make you angry, the second flaw in this devious new-world scheme, is that our illustrious powers-that-be consider all those ignorant, uneducated, non-Euro-American peoples of Asia, Africa, Oceana, the majority of South America and the entire subcontinents of India and Australia to be unworthy of membership in their exclusive global confederacy that is attempting to usurp the divine power of the gods.  Yes, the uncivilized, barbarian government leaders over there don’t force clock-changing on their people, oh, no.  How uncouth their populations must be.  Can you imagine?  Thank goodness they only make up a mere three-quarters of the Earth’s population.
     You have to wonder when our self-important leaders will realize that we stand no chance at preempting the seasonal schedule when most people on this planet are content to let the wobbly solar orbit of this piece of cosmic debris run its course without our mortal intervention. 
     I say, let the sun rise when it wants to and set when it is time. 
Down with the establishment!
     Did you hear that?  I think I just heard a sigh of relief from the southern hemisphere where they are in late summer and have little desire to see an early onset of autumn.

     That being said, yesterday the temperature soared into the upper 60s at my high altitude homestead, teasing me with a taste of the springtime yet to be.  I sat out on the front deck talking with a friend when in a conversational pause, we were struck by a chorus of migratory song birds accompanied by the rhythm of various tempo woodpeckers.  The melodic high-notes set against the beats of the percussive bug-eaters echoed across the arboreal mountainside in an impressive, natural orchestration.  I know these sounds were only the pre-event rehearsal of the opening overture scheduled to be performed later when the canopy of the forest spreads its verdant cover over the amphitheater of the flora and fauna musicians; an appetizer to the next course in the multi-sensual feast of the Great Smoky Mountains.

     Spring (or fall depending on your solar orientation) is not here regardless of what the clock on your wall says.  It may not be here, but it is near; you should start planning.  I often find it ironic that so many people use the winter solstice and the Gregorian New Year as a time of resolution yet are content to acquiesce to the status quo the rest of the time.  Why not resolve to change something, anything at each and every seasonal change.  I don’t know, maybe it is me being a child of the 60s, but I miss the protests of inexplicable indoctrination and forced conformity.  As that sagacious troubadour and voice of my rebel generation, Bob Dylan, crooned in the winter of 1964, The times, they are a changin’.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

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